On the eve of 1348th anniversary of the assassination of Ali ibn Abu Talib, kalief of Islam, Obama plans to issue at least three executive orders and one presidential directive designed to hobble the CIA and undermine national security.
Ali ibn Abu Talib was the cousin and son-in-law of the Muhammad. (For those Obama fans out there: Yes, Muhammad was a cousin fucker and a child molestor.)
Talib was kalief of Islam from 665 until Ibn Muljam (did the world a favor and) assassinated him with a single strike of his poison-coated sword.
Talib his loved by Muslims because of all the "savage unbelievers he had dispatched to Hell with a single blow, of how many villains' villainy he had rid the world." That is why Obama has chosen to honor Talib's Martyrdom.
In Talib's honor, Obama plans to limit the CIA role in protecting the USA, close Gitmo, stop the military from trying "illegal combatants" (AKA terrorist) and give all Jihadists captured on the battlefield the same rights as any US citizen.